Innocent Bear Gets the Death Penalty

Here we go again. An animal in the wild, at home, so to speak, has attacked a human and we know what the answer for that is. In this case it is, put delicately, euthanasia or, more commonly, death. The lady was attacked by a bear, and we can't have that. If bears aren't killed for trying to hurt humans maybe all the bears will get together and create real problems for men, women and children. They have to be taught a lesson. Don't mess with humans.

So Mr. or Mrs. Bruin is discovered a short time later and dispatched to bear heaven or hell. Oddly, a DNA sample of the bear is taken to make sure that it's the correct bear, the mean one. And the tested sample reveals that the euthanized bear is not the guilty party. Assuming that there is any validity to DNA testing, and there's plenty of doubts about that, now what? No bringing the innocent back to life, a bear that might have had only the best wishes for homo sapiens. Meanwhile the real culprit is lurking in the forest, chuckling at its escape and planning further attacks on hikers and backpackers. It must be found and euthanized and determined by scientific means to be the guilty party. Since most bears in the wild are reluctant to be closely examined by cops or scientists finding the felonious bear might be a problem. It might involve killing lots of bears until one of them passes the test.
 
I didn't do it, I swear!

Attacking people isn't the only problem these bruins create. In the toney Lake Tahoe area they root in the garbage, and eventually break into cars and homes. Worst of all, these anti-socials teach their offspring how to pillage and plunder, per this report. The innocent ursine youth can't possibly know that what they're doing earns them the death penalty from the DNR and, being unfamiliar with human language they never understand that they're felons.